They Have to Make Their OWN Decisions

How is it possible that you can support your child through 12 plus years of school, go through a million ups and downs, watch them graduate and get accepted into every college they applied to just for them to not end up in college? The long and short answer to that is I HAVE NO CLUE and furthermore, if any of you guys figure it out please let me know! What I do know is, this is my life right now and boy is it throwing me for a loop! Never in a million years did I think my daughter would not be somewhere living on campus and getting accustomed to the college life right now. Regardless of all of her behavioral issues throughout the years, she has always managed to remain a straight A student for the majority of her school career. I never once doubted that she'd be successful with multiple degrees and multiples businesses. Yet here we are. Her choice. Not mine. And it is a HARD pill to swallow, to say the least.

It was around this time last year that we were planning and executing our trip to Atlanta to visit #Spelman and #ClarkAtlantaUniversity. Like most lower/middle class moms, I couldn't afford to send her on an official #CollegeTour so I planned, saved and took her on one myself. Of course it was a little frustrating when she immediately decided that she didn't want to be that far away anymore after I spent so much money to take her down there but I was also happy that she'd be closer. But even then, there was no part of me that thought being closer meant staying home. And even if it meant staying home I never would've guessed that meant not going to school at all.

Okay, so now here we were getting acceptance letters left and right but ultimately deciding on #TempleUniversity and I thought, "great! She'll be a hop, skip and a jump away just in case." We visited #Temple, we checked out housing options, and we waited what felt like years on her financial aid package to come. And even when it did and we realized that we would still need to pay about 9K out of pocket each semester, we decided "we're doing this!" Or so I thought... Looking back I realize that it was then that the hesitation and unsureness started to sprout. She started to make more comments about other options. She hinted at maybe applying to even closer schools just in case. She hesitated on picking her roommates. Her excitement and eagerness was slipping away right under my nose and I was none the wiser. In June she graduated and we celebrated with a beautiful #Temple themed graduation dinner. She received lots of gifts for her dorm and everyone was beyond proud of her. It's no secret that it was definitely a long road getting her across that stage.

But one day at the end of the year she came home with this adirondack chair. She made it completely from scratch in her woodworking class. This wasn't the first time she came home with a project but this one seemed special. Her teacher told me that out of a class of 14 she was the only girl and the only student who actually finished the chair and finished it to perfection. This chair was my sign and clearly I missed it.

Fast forward to mid summer. Her roommates are picked. Her housing deposit is paid and then she drops a bomb on me. My daughter, whom I had so many dreams and aspirations for, admitted to me that she never actually wanted to go to college. She told me that she's always been good at school but she never really liked it. She told me that she had done all of this college stuff because she didn't want to disappoint me. And with that one confession she broke my entire heart. Of course I wanted her to go off to college and experience all the things that I never got a chance to, but I never wanted her to feel like she was going to disappointment me by making her own life choices. I never wanted her to feel that type of pressure. I knew firsthand what that felt like and I hated that for her. So I put my sadness aside and asked what it was she ACTUALLY wanted to do. Imagine my surprise when she told me she wanted to join the union and become a carpenter. All I could think in that moment was "that damn chair."

I say all of that to say this, mommas, as much as we may feel like we know what's best for our children, THEY HAVE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS. Good or bad. Right or Wrong. There comes a point we have to take a step back and let them lead themselves. Even if that means they might fall and bump their heads. Even if we think they aren't making the best choice. I am in the thick of this time right now and it's a daily struggle. The struggle of loosening my grip on the direction of her life. The struggle of knowing that the path or decision she chooses sometimes is going to be a hard one but still letting her do it anyways so she can learn for herself. At times I feel guilty but then I remember that I too had to learn the hard way and look how far it got me. I remind myself that I have poured enough into her over these last 18 years that no matter what or who she becomes greatness is within her. She'll be fine. Everything always works out in the end.

For those intrigued, here is a picture of the infamous chair that miss thing built from scratch! #YOUGOGIRL!