Sorry I've Been M.I.A...2024 Kicked My Ass

Pardon my french but am I the only one who feels like they barely made it into 2025??? Like, not literally, but figuratively speaking. For me, 2024 seemed like one of the hardest years to get through. Let me put it into perspective. I went into 2024 knowing it would be a busy year full of milestones and celebrations, but I did NOT expect to go into 2024 not only mourning the loss of my aunt to breast cancer but also mourning what felt like the loss of my marriage. And that was only the beginning of the madness. For the purpose of shits and giggles, let's do a recap why don't we!

January

As we all know, being sad doesn't stop the show. So, in January, I wiped my tears away for just a few days and took my mom on a surprise cruise for her 60th birthday. We had an amazing time and made some really great friends. Not to mention it was both of our first cruise experience and my moms first passport stamp in the #Bahamas. But at the end the weather up North was horrible and we got stranded in #Florida for 2 additional days. Go figure!

February

I stepped into February trying to financially recover from not only my trip with my mother but from also dropping close to $1000 the day I returned to fix my car. It didn't help that I was still in a rocky place with my husband. And then unexpectedly I had to say goodbye to a person who was very special to me. Metro was the only man whom I ever considered to be like a step dad. His death affected in me in ways that I never thought it would. For years I had been telling myself to reach out to him and invite him to lunch to catch up but unfortunately I never got around to it. This is something I will always regret but more importantly I am forever grateful for all he did for me growing up. Love you forever Metro. (His Flag if you were wondering)

March

But again, sad or not, the show must go on and in March the baby of the bunch turned 5. Birthdays are always a big deal in our household but this year I struggled to get in the spirit. Mainly because this would be the first year that my husband and I would be celebrating our son in the midst of our separation. It had been over 10 years since I had to "play the role" for the sake of the child but thankfully the day was a success as you can see from his huge smile. And then bright and early the very next morning Ayoni and I hit the road to #Philly so that she could attend the #TempleUniversity welcome orientation.Tired and all I had to give my full potential as she and I ventured on this new journey together. That being said, lets just say it took me almost a week to recover from that one weekend.

April

Baby gets what baby wants and baby wanted to go to #ElSalvador for her 18th birthday. So, to #ElSalvador we went. Don't ask me why there. I have no clue so you'd have to ask her. But from a very young age I have always talked to Ayoni about the importance of experiences as a form of celebrating over parties where it becomes more about the guest than the person being celebrated. How many girls her age can say that they've been to #ElSalvador and took surfing lessons on a black sand beach? So, although she got on my nerves the entire trip, and put an even bigger dent in my pocket, I am so happy that she and I shared this experience. Not to mention she also bought her very own first car in April as well. #PowerMoves!

May

By the time May rolled around I felt depleted. All I could think was "damn, we're not even halfway through the year yet and I already feel like I'm losing my mind." I knew I had to do something to regain focus but more importantly to gain a little bit of peace. So, I booked myself a quick flight to go and visit one of my really good friends in #WashingtonDC Mother's Day weekend. Seeing Lisa was the refreshment I needed. We stepped outside and mingled a little but for the most part we did a whole lot of nothing! It's a blessing to have friends who can understand and empathize with what you're going through even if you don't explain in detail or they can't relate personally themselves. That was the first time that I really felt like I was truly being celebrated as a mother. No kids, no dogs, no husband, no responsibilities. Just me, Lisa's couch and a bunch of reruns of #Cheaters and #TheMauryShow.

June

Now here is where things got really tricky. Imaging planning for and paying for 2 different graduations and graduation gifts in the same month. Pure chaos. On the very first day of June, Ayoni graduated from high school. As bad as I wanted to be in my feelings about it, I had no time to because a week later I threw her a graduation dinner at my home for 30 guest. If you know me you know I went all out and made most of the decorations from scratch; including a flower wall that felt as if it took me 100 years and 1000 flowers. But the real plot twist came when I announced at her graduation party that I would be surprising Raymond with a trip to #Orlando to see his favorite rapper in concert as his graduation gift....the very next morning. Insane, right? Yeah, I thought so too but I still made it happen. And then 2 weeks later he actually graduated and for a moment I felt like I could breathe again. I was quickly learning to appreciate those temporary moments of relief.

July

July hit different. It made 1 year since my husband and I had separated, 4 years since we'd been married and, ironically, the first month of our #couplestherapy. After a really, really rough start to the year, we had finally decided to attempt to work on things while also still focusing on ourselves. This was by far one of the grayest areas I had ever been in. And for someone like me who is super anxious and struggles with relinquishing control, not knowing "what we were" was almost as hard as actually letting go. I spent that entire month in a daze although I looked happy to the world.

August

August has always been my "selfish month" but this year was different. Not only was I struggling in my #couplestherapy sessions, I now had to grapple with the fact that my daughter had decided not to go to college anymore. As you can imagine, after all the preparation we had done from 11th grade on this caught me completely by surprise. I felt confused, disappointed but mostly just sad. For her and for me. On top of that, just about everyone in my life dissed me on my birthday weekend except for my husband. He was right there all 3 days trying his hardest to make sure that I enjoyed my 35th birthday. I spent a lot of time reflecting on the people in my life and if they still fit on my solo trip to #Tulum. Such an eye opener.

September

It wasn't until the boys went back to school that reality really smacked me in the face. Kyaire was off to kindergarten. Raymond was officially a freshman in high school. And Ayoni....was home trying to figure it out. A part of me was proud of her for going for what she wanted in life and not feeling confined by society's standards and expectations. But the teen mom in me just couldn't cope with the idea that she wasn't grasping at the chance to do all the things that I missed out on when I decided to be her mom. Still, I knew it wasn't my choice to make so I engulfed myself into my new position at work, the boys, my new role as a football mom, and the uphill battle I was facing daily to figure out my marriage. And then out of nowhere I was forced to say goodbye to someone who was like a little brother to me. I am still at a loss for words and I am not sure I'll ever understand. I love you forever Melvin.

October

Actually, I am a Proud Paw-Ma of 9!!! Yup, that's right! Wynter and Jodie did the do and made me a Paw-Ma. I was in denial at first but I once I fully embraced the situation at hand I was all in! I even delivered all 9 puppies myself! Definitely a life changing experience but I think I'm one and done as a Doggie Doula. With that being said, October came with a lot of sleepless nights. Wynter woke me up constantly because she was super restless. I literally had bags under my eyes as if I was the one in the third trimester of a pregnancy. Not to mention, I unfortunately had to attend yet another funeral. Not so much for me; I hadn't saw my auntie Cece in years. But I had to be a support for my momma. She's a tough cookie so seeing her sad never sits well with me. Auntie Cece was definitely one of one and gone way too soon. We love you for life Auntie Cece. Thank you for all you did for my momma during some of her toughest times.

November

Over it, over it, OVER IT! Talk about sleepless nights! Once the puppies arrived I was lucky if I got more than 2 hours of sleep in a row. Imagine having a colicky newborn. Now times that by 9! Not to mention Wynter, just like everyone else in the house, only helped when she felt like it. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. Some days I felt like I couldn't even keep my eyes open or think straight. Between the puppies, working all 4 positions at my full-time job and weekends at my part-time job, I was barely making it. On the flip side, I went on 2 very romantic dates with my husband. Although things between us had become platonic, it was nice to feel courted in the midst of the chaos.

December

As you can imagine, by the time December came I was dragged, drained and depleted. I felt like I had nothing left to give yet the universe and the people around me still needed more. So, I ended the year the same way that I started it. I put my big girl panties on and made things happen. I took Kyaire on a solo trip to #Florida because he wanted to go to the beach for Christmas. I finished all of my Christmas shopping for my other 2 and my mom 2 weeks in advance. I found homes for all 9 puppies, dewormed and vaccinated them. I booked my husband a flight to go see his Celtics play the Warriors in San Fransisco as a birthday gift. And when it was all done I treated myself to this new tattoo as a reminder of who I am. I AM HER. PERIOD!

So....here we are in the first days of 2025 and how are things going you ask. Well, if I'm being completely honest 2025 has already had a rocky start for me but guess what. 2024 almost broke me in so many ways and I survived. In 2025, I am rebuilding and replenishing. That includes my home, my self care, my energy, my mental, my funds and even my marriage. Usually I would say something like "this year I'm in my selfish era" but that's not the case at all. Instead, I am in my self preservation era. 2024 taught me that theres only so much us mommas can give before we get to a point where we are grasping at straws and barely holding on. You can't be everything for everyone and nothing for yourself. It's counter productive. In 2025, I am making better choices for ME. Wish me luck!

Drop a comment and let me know what your goal is for 2025!